Doorways

a poem about transience, bearing witness, and processing from 2022

From house to house, we stumble about,
Door frame to door frame, in and back out.
Searching for something, lost and not found,
Don't worry about it, it may come around.

Stability was a figment, something of a dream,
Yet when we woke, we'd often hear you scream,
Threats and abuse, all part of his scheme,
Little by little, tearing at every single seam,

All cuddled up close, our bed not our own,
At least right now, we know we aren't alone.
Huddled for warmth, for the feeling of love,
Our bed with four, somehow fits like a glove.

Gone by the evening, like the setting sun,
By morning we knew that we may have to run,
They might've thought they were just having fun,
But the things they did, can't easily be undone,

In a moment, everything could be changed,
May have to start again, lives rearranged.
Never felt like a house, never felt like home,
Hard to settle in, it becomes easier to roam.

Never get too attached, yet afraid to let go,
Gotta keep a happy face, never anything low,
Push it all down, there's nothing else to show,
Don't think about that, anything but the woe,

You never really learn the toll of trauma,
Especially if life had been full of lots of drama,
It becomes hard to talk, to pickup the phone,
Difficult to cope, when you've felt so alone,

It's hard to recall, all the places we've been,
I only remember layouts, from way back when,
Fragments of memories, blurry compositions
Must be from the past, and the dissociations,

But things change, the things you've known,
From a little nothing, a tiny seed youve sown.
One day you'll see, how it has fully grown,
Just as you have done, often on your own,

You cope with the past, and keep moving on,
Processing feelings, one day they'll be gone,
The future is ahead of you, you're in control,
One day in time, maybe you'll feel whole.

At least for right now, you're mostly stable,
Enjoying it all, for as long as you're able,
The warmth is comfort and almost palpable,
Holding you like the gentle hug of a cradle.

Life seems so different, somehow hard to believe,
Like a dream your brain has begun conceive,
Don't be afraid, walk through the doors,
One day you'll find a home that'll be yours.